I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
