Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
