i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
