Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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