omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
