They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
