thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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