I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
