ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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