I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize