now i know why i became what i already was.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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