my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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