booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
