It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
