Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
