So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
