I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
