it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
this boner is exhausting
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
