You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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