dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
