Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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