JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
