I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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