My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
