Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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