Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
