Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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