eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
