You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
