Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
