Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
