she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
