Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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