Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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