If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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