It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize