I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
