Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
