I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
