I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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