Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
