if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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