marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
