lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
