I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
