I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if only i could text you this smell
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
