Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
