i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
40s are totally the cure
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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