Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
