Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
