A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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