Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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