I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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