I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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