You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Randomize
