for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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