but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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