We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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