My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
