And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
