it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
