At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
