I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
