and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I could fuck to npr.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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