Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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