just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
