can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
