I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
