I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
