We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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